Lonley Sunday (Sarah Jo)

I spent the whole day alone doing good-for-me things like my 20 mile bike ride, 1.5 mile run, and then the uphill walk. And I lifted weights. I went to the grocery and did my laundry and dishes and cleaned my rooms. Yes, rooms. At first I was horrified by the idea of spending the whole day alone. I wasn't sure I could get through it without getting sad.

But Krystal talked to me on the phone and texted me. And I did feel sad and worried but she was too and that made it okay. I didn't feel lonely then, just temporarily alone. And I worried myself sick. I actually couldn't eat I was so worried about it. But then something happened at home that changed my perspective. There are so many bigger things in life to worry about than what a boy thinks of me. I know it seems really important at the time, but all these HUGE things have been floating around my head trying to get my attention and I just kept seeing his face and nothing else. I don't want to do that anymore.

So, as soon as I realized this, I realized I was hungry. And I didn't have groceries. So I fixed both of those problems. And I only got healthy things at the grocery. Its really hard to binge eat when the only things in the house are spinach, granola bars, hummus, and canned soup. Okay, there are other things, I was just trying to make a point.

Anyway, sometime during the laundry and the dinner part, I remembered that I love to read. So I got out a book I like and started reading it again. Now, my house isn't a safe, happy place to be. It makes me anxious and stressed. But I was reading there in my room with all the lights and the AC on and suddenly that protective bubble I used to have in there just popped back into existence. Suddenly it wasn't my bedroom anymore but my safe place where everything is okay and I'm happy and content. Even alone.

So I know its taken me a long time to get to the point but the point was this: Now I remember how okay I was with being alone. I'm going to try really hard not to forget again.